Category: Writers Block
To battle your endless self;
between who you are and who you ought to be;
not because of what society thinks;
but because of the pain.
The pain of not being who you told yourself you war;
of not being what you fooled yourself into thinking you were;
thinking you owned the world and yet walking, every day, every hour,
every minute, every second afraid of what was coming next;
is coming next;
will come next.
Afraid that people will see your vulnerability and laugh at you, hate you for
it.
To forget to love, and yet need it;
to need someone and yet believe, or try to believe, you don't need
anyone;
to be true only when you're alone, surrounded by fire you surrender your
identity;
for the sake of yourself you say, to be well;
yet what's left of you when they've taken all away?
What's left of you when you're afraid to love, afraid to open up, afraid to
be vulnerable?
What's left of you to save after your sacrifice, when you swore that was
the last time?
The last time you'd look down on your own purely for the sake of political
advantage;
and yet in the net you go, like a fish;
you have no choice now.
And through the tears you say I hate you, but your heart longs to say I
love you.
Through the mists you push on, when you only wish you had the strength
to pull away, to say I am.
I am what I am and nothing else.
Yet you keep low, there is no choice.
Hating who you love, loving who you hate.
Who is there left after your sacrifice?
You sacrificed yourself for yourself and now there's no self to be saved.
No self to continue protecting, because the very self you were you killed on
the altar of conformity.
You became the very picture of what you hated.
Smiling on the outside, crying on the inside;
torn, destroyed and lost;
deserted by your own hand and unable to stop the pain;
you want to reach out, to scream this isn't me;
to seek release from the terrible jail;
but there is no choice now;
unable to fail; is the lock.
Only you can unlock yourself, but you must rebuild yourself.
Yourself, a self that has nothing to rebuild on.
What will you build?
I can relate to some of this. Being afraid to open up and love... so afraid that you guard yourself from everybody and everything. It's what I've done a little bit. You can only be hurt so much before you say "no more."